On the 10th of July, 2014, I placed an order with the SRCM online bookstore. I’ve done this many times and I know when placing the order that the shipment will not arrive nearly fast enough. Part of that is my own lack of patience when it comes to wanting to do something I set my mind to. (In this case, reading the books I just bought.) Part of it is that the Mission apparently sends orders using Media Mail, and hasn’t made that clear to the general public, or at least to it’s shoppers who are otherwise expecting a much faster delivery.
Through a series of only-slightly unfortunate and more-than-slightly frustrating events it took from July 10th until the 25th of August to receive my shipment. At one point, long after an order at any other organization could have already been received twice over (not exaggerating), I was contacted to let me know one of the books I ordered wasn’t in stock. At another point weeks later, I was in touch with leadership to get some help and clarity on what was happening with my purchase of over $200. Apologies were given I was advised that my order would be sent via Priority Mail… 8 days later my order arrived, as I said, via Media Mail. Not via Priority as I’d been promised and certainly after Priority would have had the shipment at my front door.
To be clear: I’m not trying to be overly negative about this bookstore. It’s operated entirely by volunteers and, all things considered, they do well.
All of that said, and luckily all of that in the past, this has taught me something about myself. Each day we’re presented with opportunity after opportunity to either become better or stay put where we are. Chariji has mentioned this time and again in the Sahaj writings. Our karmas are directly affected by the choices we make in relation to these opportunities. As are the resultant samskaras we carry. Of course, many other components of human life – both mundane and metaphysical – are entwined herein.
Throughout this experience I was within my rights to throw a fit and demand that my order be sent immediately and even to request an explanation (which I never received). I did none of that, but I did see the opportunity to once again observe this strange energetic movement within myself and to act based on that perception.
It wasn’t anger, I’m clear on that much. Beyond knowing it wasn’t anger, the closest thing I could describe it as is ego. It was like some other personality inside. Totally part of me, but only a part of me. It wasn’t encompassing, but it felt dense. It felt like it had its own gravity. It felt old. I was glad for the opportunity to see this thing as separate from Myself and for the capacity to act independently of it. God knows these moments can feel rare!
I’m hoping the next time this kind of “split” is noticed, that I can focus not on that energetic “movement” but instead on the Me that is separate from it.
Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha