I genuinely don’t know why I bother trying to plan anything. These days, life’s current seems to be showing me – again and again – that I am not in control (at least, not entirely). Or perhaps this is a challenge Life is presenting me – an opportunity to “step up to the plate” and be the controller. Who knows?
Between demands with school, a death in the family (a post on this is in the works), ridiculously demanding and taxing situations at work, and buying a new house … I’ve gone nearly mad. Not quite, but nearly. I’ve been spread just about as thin as I think I can be spread.
Of course, I’m speaking of the little me – Joshua / Dhristhi. Periodically, during meditation or puja (and sometimes during the mundane parts of my life) I’m able to consciously tap into the big me and gain some perspective. When I think there’s nothing more of me, I’m able to see that I’ve not really even been touched. Additionally, the little me would be lost without my husband. He’s not as sensitive or aware as often as I’d like, but he’s there for me when I need. A few weeks ago, when stress was causing me to sporadically puke, he was very patient and nurturing to me. In fact, only one other time was he so nurturing and it was earlier this year when I was in the middle of another season of immense pressure / stress.
On the note of making plans and not keeping them, two or three days ago I mentioned on Facebook that I thought the next day might be a good day for a handstand. I genuinely meant to perform the feat the next day. However, that next day came and went and a handstand simply wasn’t on the docket. It hasn’t happened yet so far today, and it’s nearing bed time for me already.
I did, however, get my temple room pretty well fully unpacked and even mostly put back together. It’s nice to have a sanctuary in my home again – the first time in just about exactly a year. I’ve missed it! I recently bought a five bedroom home and I feel so fortunate to have done so. Believe it or not, I had other people in mind when making the purchase. Sure, there were certain things we HAD to have in the home, but one big thing on the radar was the ability to comfortably (or at least mostly comfortably) host friends from out of town. It’s finally safe to say that’s true and I’m very pleased.
So, sorry for the ramble…….lately life has been really something else. Learning to go with the flow… That’s not half as fun, stressful, challenging, maddening, or rewarding as learning to identify the flow. If you wanna put your sadhana to the test, try that.
Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha