Isoliert und einsam

Periodically, I encounter things online that pertain to astrology and how the various alignments and interactions of the heavenly bodies influences life on earth and individual karmas. Depending on the source of the information I see, there could be a warning about electronic gadgets being affected, communication being weak or challenging, relationship problems, governmental crap. You name it and, apparently, the stars  or neighboring planets govern it. I don’t know that the stars have anything to do with what I’m writing about now, but I feel like something cosmic is definitely up.

For about a month already (and there’s no let-up in sight) I’ve felt terribly isolated – thus, the name of this post (isoliert = German). You see, every person – without exception – that I’ve actually wanted to hear from has been mostly distant or unavailable. Actually, there has been one exception: My local prefects.  My husband and I were fortunate enough to have a nice Thai dinner with the two of them recently. But a distinction should be made – they reached out to me. This will set them apart in the scheme of things.

There are friends who have new work schedules and I mostly only hear from them after I’ve gone to bed. Acquaintances are far busier than I feel is constructive to developing deeper friendships, which saddens me a tad because that’s exactly what I want from them (and what they’ve told me they want also). And loved ones who either show little interest, are simply “too busy,” or give me reasons for not talking or hanging out that I’m able to see right through – which is obviously offensive (not because people should want to hang out with me, but because people should want to be honest with others).

Something else in all this that I’m currently unable to rationalize is effort, or more accurately the lack thereof. There are very few people who don’t text or SMS. I can SMS a friend in Saudi Arabia (in Riyadh) at a time when I know it is 0230 where he is – and also knowing that he works IT and has a wife and kids – and I get a response within a few minutes. Depending on when I message him, the response may be minimal but that’s my whole point. I say, “Hello” and I get a “Salaam” in return.

Recently, I’ve tried the same here locally with someone I know to be a single professional who keeps his free time occupied with fitness endeavors and I can’t even get a one-word response back. To add insult to injury, some of these people will text me back DAYS after I reached out to them and briefly explain how impossibly busy they’ve been – never mind the 500 posts they’ve made to Facebook in the time between. How can one be absolutely too busy to send a one-word text response to a friend, but not too busy to post to Facebook about how you met up with another friend to go for a run THE VERY MINUTE you got back into town from a business trip?

Maybe people don’t realize the message these kinds of inconsistencies send. No one’s actions align to their words 100%, but when the discrepancy is so stark I think it really says something about yourself and about how you view others or the value you assign to others. I think it also speaks to the level of honesty you maintain, or don’t. Then again, maybe it’s absolutely reasonable to be so busy the only possible thing you can manage in regard to external communication is a Facebook status update, or twelve.

Now…. I’m a big boy. And I’m well able to babysit myself. I don’t NEED people around me all the time. I don’t want that either. But when you reach out to one person, and then to another, and then to 384 more after that and practically NONE of the ones you try connecting with are available or even interested, it stings a little and it sure feels like the stars are managing some unpleasant mojo.

I mean, what are the chances that I’ll feel “needy” in this way at a time when everyone I know is supposedly impossibly unavailable? The things I’ve said here in this post are true. But the resultant perception I think I might be carrying as a result of those true things is likely skewed – it’s certainly currently being flavored by my emotions and hopes. I’ll tell you, I’m taking a lesson from this. For sure. I’m not sure I’ll share that lesson here because it’s an awfully personal one, and if I decide to then I’m not sure when that would happen. But I’m definitely learning. And it has made me want to cry more than once.

Then again, maybe I’m reading far too much into all of this.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

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