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It’s been a minute since I was last here on Sthapati and I have plenty to catch up on. Something that comes to mind, that I think I’ve been meaning to write about is religious noise.

A long time ago I saw a quote of Mata Amrtanandamayi Ma (Amma, the Hugging Saint) wherein she was to have said something along the lines of, “Those who are busy crying out to the Lord, are likely never to hear Him.” Those aren’t her words, but are some kind of approximation. The exact wording escapes me but the lesson she was communicating touches on something that is central and foundational to Hindu spirituality.

I was reading recently on a blog called the Vaishnava Voice and in a post there the author kind of touched on this in a round-about way. Kind of.

Most people who are familiar with Hindu philosophy or religion or spirituality are also likely familiar with the concept of bhakti. And I think it’s fairly safe to say that the image of bhakti that often comes to peoples’ minds is along the lines of the Hare Krishna movement. They’re well-recognized for their public kirtan events. A number of other instances of the expression of bhakti have involved components of religion that many in the western world recognize as very charismatic. In order to best express our devotion to The One we should dance, and holler, and bang or mrdangas. Right?

Too, many Christian circles are fond of this approach. Some seem very closely related to the Kraishnavs – they enjoy their guitars and drum sets in church and getting people to whoop and holler and roll around on the floor speaking in angelic tongues is a sure sign that you and they are surely saved. And in other Christian circles, like the Westboro Baptist Church, being vocal and very loud about the ills that plague modern humanity is the preferred expression of devotion to the Lord. As an aside, but not entirely, I’ve not known of any bhakti tradition (Hindu or otherwise) that wasn’t in some manner, to some degree, focused on one’s merit before the Lord Almighty. Everyone wants brownie points with the Most High.

I think, though, that something is perhaps “wrong” here. I use that word very hesitantly because as a Hindu I believe everyone has a place at the table, I sincerely do, but I’m not sure what better English word fits there. If you pay attention to virtually every Hindu approach to spirituality, you’ll see that the real direction bhakti is intended to be pointed toward is INWARD.

I’ve been surprised, as I dive deeper and deeper into Sahaj Marg literature and practice, to learn how very pro- bhakti it really is. To be clear, our path is more appropriately categorized as something “Raja” or “Jnana,” but still. Our last guru was a Vaishnav and our practice is an anahata chakra-centered blend of Sufism and Hinduism. It’s probably fair to say that until really dedicating myself to the Sahaj Marg, I made efforts to steer myself away from much of bhaktidom. While respecting and allowing space for paths like the Hare Krishnas, I certainly had no inclination to be even remotely associated with them. And I even kept a healthy distance from most Vaishnav-related things because of how many parallels there are between that chunk of Hinduism and Christianity as a whole.

I dare to say, though, that true bhakti makes your heart and soul dance – not your body, that’s like playing in the shallow end of a pool.  And in my experience, when truly intense and electrifying devotion arises within oneself, the result has been stillness, peace, wisdom, and even some transcendental happenings that have very little to do with the outer world except for losing awareness of it.

I think whether one is an Islamic jihadist, a Kraishnav, or a conservative Christian (all of which are far more alike than not), you might be missing the real benefit and purpose of your path if “making a joyful noise” (or whatever your own version of that is) takes center stage. How can one benefit from the “still small Voice” (biblical reference) within if you’re too busy crying out to the Lord to hear It?

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

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Ayigiri

Every year, many Hindus celebrate a holiday dedicated to various forms of The Mother, and every year I love it. Mostly, in my personal practice, I simply focus my worship on my preferred face of the Mother as She currently lives on the earth – which is to say, in the form of Mata Amrtanandamayi Ma, also known as Amma, The Hugging Saint. She’s an avatar of Shri Durga, who goes by another name: Mahishasuramardini. Mahishasura was a “buffalo demon” who was practically invincible and after nearly every other feasible attempt at conquering this monster had proven unsuccessful, everyone besought The Divine Mother for help.

Mata Amrtanandamayi Ma

A quick study of the symbolism employed in Durga’s image will explain why She proved so capable. Superficially, She seems to carry some weapon from nearly all the other major gods, which to some will imply that She combines their powers. However, in truth She is the underlying power that makes any of the others possible. Because of this inherent truth, this holiday is one of my favorite sign posts of the Faith.

Coming from a divorced family, and having both a birth mother and a step-mother, I know the many faces of motherhood and the value that women and mothers hold to society and humanity. Sometimes a mother plays a fierce role – either to protect her offspring or to scare them from foolishness that might place them in harm’s way. Sometimes a mother has to play the role of security, and provide the grounding force in the lives of her offspring, giving them a place of origin to reference and reset their compass when they accidentally steer off course. And other times still, the mother has to provide support in the form of nurturing the offspring and thus help to facilitate much-needed healing.

For each of the days of Navratri, which Hindus are currently celebrating, a different face of the Mother is focused on and honored. Temples everywhere are having their own celebration programs – my own local temple has programs put on each night by people from a different parts of India, all focusing on the particular face of Mother for that evening. At the end of the holiday, we’ll be holding a Durga Visarjan.

In my home, I don’t celebrate the Mother’s different faces each respective day, at least not like I would if I were to adhere to tradition. I simply honor the face of Mother I most closely connect with, which is Shri Mata Amrtanandamayi Ma. As witnessed in the actions and life story of Amma, we are all nourished and protected and loved by our shared Mother. She serves as an inexhaustible source of love, service, courage and sacrifice – a perennial example to all.

Whether during Navratri or at a local home satsangh, the worship and adoration of Amma includes singing Ayigiri or Maheshasuramardini. I have virtually the whole thing memorized. I’ve attached a video of it below for your viewing / education. I usually prefer to share three-part versions of things that include the devanagari, the transliteration, and the translation. This video only includes the transliteration, and I think I found an issue with verse nine, but whatever. It’ll still give you the bulk of what I intend to share. I absolutely encourage anyone and everyone to learn this devotional song to our Mother.

As the 2013 Navratri holiday progresses, I want to wish each of you all the best and to each of you the strongest, most healing, most protective and most protected relationships with each other and with The Mother. Jai Mata Di!

Aum Mahaganeshaya Namaha
Aum Shanti

Tree Sons

(Image from Kaui Hindu Monastery)

Many people roll their eyes at the thought of somebody being a “tree hugger.” The implications and mental images that usually accompany that title are potentially of a sloppy person, a bit whimsical and carefree (careless?), perhaps anti-establishment. It’s a label that’s been around for decades and, as with everything else through the decades, the definition of what a tree hugger today is has probably changed from the original meaning. I suppose in a lot of ways, I could be called a tree hugger. Don’t get me wrong – in so very many ways I’m not even close to what “tree hugger” probably originally meant. Still in many other ways I’m very much a tree hugger, and a number of people in my life may well be able to vouche that I’ve literally hugged a tree once or twice. From a young age, others will also be able to confirm, I’ve enjoyed being in “the woods” and going rivering and traipsing through creeks and just being completely enveloped by Mother in nature. I think it’s something most people never experience, but I can attest that trees give great hugs if you allow.

I’m not a hippie. I’m just a Hindu.

Tree hugger (hugged?) or not, one thing I am is a tree worshipper. For thousands of years Hindus have recognized the immense value of trees and have also recognized how very truly trees imitate the Supreme One – far beyond the superficial “roots in heaven” symbolism. As Hindus, we’re free to see God wherever we might be inclined to, and a number of scriptural references encourage us to see God in trees. This is something I do, and have always done, with much ease.

** An important thing for any non-Hindu readers to understand is that Hindus don’t really worship trees (or any of our other religious images). At the foundation of our religion is the Ground of All Being – the essence that supports all that is and is common to virtually everything. This is what advanced modern sciences are catching up to and proving accurate at an increasing rate. And it’s this recognition, of that Ground of All Being, that allows for the immense diversity, and consequently the expansive freedom afforded to Hindus. **

Something else I easily could manage but have yet to accomplish (at all, let alone with much ease) is parenthood. I’ve posted a few times here how important my parents are to me and what an invaluable treasure they’ve been to me and many others in this life. Anyone who knows me outside of all things cyber can attest to my strong desire to be a dad, and how envious (in a good way!) I often am of parents.

Luckily for me, there seems to be scriptural support for the fusion of these two, seemingly unrelated aspects of my life. A year or two ago, a friend on Facebook posted a quote, something from one of the myriad Hindu scriptures, that included the Sanskrit translation, and I found it striking. It truly struck a chord with me because it linked the huge benefit and value of family and parenthood to that of ecology, and quite specifically trees. Those scriptural references are cited below.

“A pond is equal to ten wells; ten ponds are equal to one lake; ten lakes are equal to one son; and ten sons are equal to one tree.” (“dashakupa-sama vaapi dashavaapi samo hrdaha dashahrda samaha putro dashaputro samo drumaha”) -Vrkshayurveda 6

“Those who plant trees, for them they are like sons. There is no doubt that because of those trees, man attains heaven after his death.” -Mahabharata, Anu parva 58/27

The photo at the end of this post is primarily of a treeling I’m nurturing in the middle of my front yardage. When we purchased the property about four summers ago, an actual tree stood where this baby one does now, although it was mostly dead. After a year or so, we came home one day to see that the HOA and landscapers had chopped the half-dead tree. A year or so later, you can imagine my thrill when, while piddling around my yard, I notice a resurrection of sorts occurring. I nursed the little bitties and helped them grow – offering not only regular watering, but also regular pujas. However, one day much to my dismay, I came home from work to see another chop job had taken place. I’ll admit: I cried. And not only that, I spent the rest of the evening melancholy and pouting indoors.

For me, things like this ARE kind of like my children and I miss the life I interacted with when something like that fails or ceases. I suppose that proves the scriptures true, no? At any rate, my treeling is growing back! I noticed it very early this spring season and I’ve been tending to it since before our final frost. To date, it’s survived and prospered even more than it did last year!

As with so much else within the Scriptures, I’m not sure I really buy that a tree is equal to ten human sons. This isn’t the first time I’ve doubted the scriptures… in fact, I do that often enough. At any rate, I do enjoy the sentiment and every day when I go outside for vrksha-puja and I notice that this treeling has split into “two” very close to the ground I smile at the thought of my twenty twin sons, and my heart enjoys the moment as a temporary expression of the love I have for the human child who is likely never to arrive in my life.

Om Shri Ganeshaya Namaha
Om Shanti

The Mother of the Universe is a Male Cat

For virtually every day of the week, excluding a period of just over 24hrs each weekend, I do puja a minimum of twice a day – at dawn and dusk. My lunch hour is also very often filled with sadhana-ish events like memorizing scripture or mantras. Much of this, all spirituality aside, is rather mundane. As predictable as the seasons, pretty much.

Since my beloved and I travel together to work, I usually bathe in the morning before he does, and then when it’s his turn in the shower I sneak off into my temple room and do the day’s first ganeshapuja. Each afternoon when we get out of work we go to the gym for around 2hrs. Then we come home and take care of a few miscellaneous tasks, including dinner. Invariably, after dinner he heads to the couch to catch up on the evening’s shows as well as stuff he’s DVR’d, while I go to my temple room to hang out with God. Then as I mentioned, sometime around dusk I begin the day’s final puja (to Ganesha, as in the morning).

My cat, Darel, loves evening puja. Literally.

I sit before my mandir, light a wick in ghee or a tea light candle, and begin with an invocation to my ishtadevata. At this early point in the puja, even before incense is lit, if my cat isn’t in the room he’s meowing like a madman to be let in. Throughout the entire puja -including the bhuns/bhajans at the end – he’s purring so loudly. He’s also rubbing up against me in typical, affectionate, cat fashion. Interestingly, he’s a fan of doing this roll/dive/butt-flop maneuver he seems to have mastered. It’s a kind of somersault really, only while simultaneously pressed against my seated form, that results in his rear end flopping to the ground with a thud – usually somewhere very close to the burning incense or the flame used in aarti.

As much as he loves this, this annoys me.

But not for long.

Every ever-lovin’ time, whether I like it or not, I’m reminded of a story I read once about Ganesha, His Mother, and a cat. The digest version is that Balaganesha was outside playing one day when a cat came near. As any typical little boy might, Ganesha began rough housing with His new-found playmate, getting too rough in the process and causing bruises and scratches on the cat. Soon enough, the cat ran off and didn’t return. Eventually, Ganesha returned home and after entering, He noticed His Mother in the kitchen with some minor scrapes and bruises. Very concerned, He ran to Her inquiring what had happened to cause this. She gently explained to Him that She is in all living things and when He was too rough with the cat, He was actually hurting Her. The story ends, I think, with Ganesha vowing to never hurt another thing ever.

So here I sit in padmasana, getting my puja on, and Darel is testing my patience. I’m not thrilled that he flops so close to something that could burn him or the carpet. When he thumps against me, because of his size it audibly disrupts my vocalization of the chants. So many facets of this scene bug me… but only briefly. Soon, very soon, I remember that my own Mother resides not only within the murtis into which I’ve temporarily invoked Her Shakti, but also within Darel.

With his next thump into my torso and the resultant shake in my voice, I can only smile and thank Mother for loving me and allowing me to receive Her affection in so many ways. Om Shri Ganeshaya Namaha

Om Shanti

Christmas in California, in April

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Californication/Kali-fornia
So…I’ve been writing an essay pertaining to the importance of a Hindu American identity. It’s been a good little journey so far. I was reading some in The Idiot’s Guide to Hinduism today when I came across an interesting tidbit of information I can’t not share with you.

I say the following ENTIRELY WITHOUT disrespect to the Christians of the United States: It’s absolutely amazing how many people in this country truly and genuinely believe that America was founded by Christians and is a Christian nation. Neither is true. The Pilgrims were certainly Christians of their own kind, but most of the “founding fathers” were definitely not. Theists, yes. But not Christian. Anyone who yearns for truth and finds value in not only discovering it, but in thinking on their own can do minimal research and find this fact. The same can easily be done with so many other misconceptions many Americans “know” is true. Having said that, here’s what I recently learned about the history of the naming of the state of California. (As a wordy, this the stuff I LOVE to read!)

According to historians, the state of California is named after a dark-skinned woman warrior named Calafia, who was a character in a famous sixteenth-century Spanish novel. Aggressive, half-naked Native American women reminded the Spanish conquistadors of Califia, and of the Amazons, too, which is why they named the Amazon River after them! But where did the figure of Califia come from?

This fictional queen was based on an ancient European goddess named Koliada, who represented the winter solstice. She was black-skinned because she symbolized the darkest time of the year and fierce because winters in the Northern Hemisphere are often brutal. But she was honored, too: her festival was celebrated with extravagant feasts and lavish gift giving. When Christianity replaced the old religion in Europe, her winter festival was changed into a new holiday called Christmas.

The name Koliada means “goddess of time,” appropriately enough for a solstice deity. Her names in Greek(Kalanda) and Latin(Calenda) are the source of our word “calendar.” In antiquity she was worshipped throughout the entire Indo-European world. In Russia she was known as Kolyada. In northeastern India she was called Kalika. Hindus today still worship her as the fierce, dark goddess Kali.

There you have it!
 

Moms and Such

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As some of you may know, I happen to adore the “Hugging Saint” known to us as Amma. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say that my feelings about Amma are not unlike Wayne’s brother’s concerning Britney Spears. To most people it’s quite ridiculous. Something you won’t understand if you don’t already.

At any rate, I often find my inner calm reinforced by Amma’s words-to which I subscribe. All my closest friends know I’d sell my soul and half my penis for the chance to be a parent. Recently, Amma posted a short entry concerning Motherhood in a short, powerful way. I still have a ways to go before I’m 100% at peace with how my life will likely play out in this regard, but I’m closer than I was. Whether you’re a parent or never plan to be, I hope the following words from Amma will encourage you in your walk with others while you’re here.

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The essence of motherhood is not restricted to women who have given birth; it is a principle inherent in both women and men. It is an attitude of the mind. It is love–and that love is the very breath of life. No one would say, “I will breathe only when I am with my family and friends; I won’t breathe in front of my enemies.” Similarly, for those in whom motherhood has awakened, love and compassion for everyone are as much part of their being as breathing.

Anyone–woman or man–who has the courage to overcome the limitations of the mind can attain the state of universal motherhood. The love of awakened motherhood is a love and a compassion felt not only towards one’s own children, but towards all people, animals, and plants, rocks and rivers–a love extended to all of nature, all beings. Indeed, to a woman in whom the state of true motherhood has awakened, all creatures are her children. This love, this motherhood, is Divine Love–and that is God.

~Amma~

Om Shanti

वह दुखो और वह रमण

There are days when you have to reconnect with friends you’d lost touch with and have a glass of wine. Or two. This happened with me recently and it was an experience. For starters, allow me to just state that I attract ALL manner of folk. My beloved and my best can verify this.

You might be a mentally ill dude who sees cake topper candy as real food. You might be an aging man who’s spent his entire life stifling your sexuality, only to come out too late to really get anywhere this time around and then spend your days secretly seeking penis while outwardly claiming that you seek genuine connections, apparently not realizing you’re shooting yourself in your own foot. You might be a tall, lanky middle aged gentleman translator with hair I’m a little jealous of who offers decent wine when I’m over. You might be my math professor and his wife. You might be another, rare, white Hindu who just happens to get around on some wheels instead of some feet. I could probably go on and on about the randomness of the variety of people in my life and who I call friends. But I’m not really in the mood for that, and besides spades often take exception to being called a spade, even when there’s no harmful intent.

Anyway, Wednesday of this week was a doozey for me. I’d been battling a head cold, but managed to be feeling exceptionally better that day. (This would prove to be a VERY temporary reprieve, as I awoke Thursday sicker than I’d been the prior three days combined.) A friend of mine, who I briefly mentioned at the beginning of this post, taught me about me without even knowing.

I think we met off of the Internet. Craigslist, I think. I’m sure I’d posted some crazy “Hey who wants a friend” kind of ad (no wonder my small group of associates is so random!), and this kind soul responded. He’s brilliant in his own way. And, although I’m fond of climbing trees in bare feet, having amazing and life-threatening river adventures, and dancing ridiculously and often scantily clad before my menagerie of pets, this guy seems freer than I. I can’t quite place it, but I really think he is.

I’ll spare the details of our conversations, but through speaking with him recently, I was reminded of two things that are absolutely important. The first is that you MUST live your own dharma as fully as you are able. Very few other people are qualified to tell you what your dharma might entail. You must do the leg work to discern your dharma, your truest path in life, and then do more leg work to actualize it daily. The second thing is this: No swadharma (individual’s dharma, truest path) is better than anyone else’s. How my karmas play out should be irrelevant to you and vice versa.

These two unexpected reminders were welcome, I’ll say.

After hanging out with this gentleman, I rushed home as quickly as possible to get my Skype on with an out-of-state non-Indian Hindu who interviewed me for a documentary he’s putting together. He’d given me some good questions beforehand to prepare with and it was nice to speak with him live, although not without headache! (My first time using Skype in Windows 8, and it about sent me into orbit.) I’ve seen another video or two that he’s made and he seems to do well with the tools he uses. I’m hopeful that the fruits of his labors will produce something of quality that can be shared on Youtube and other outlets for folks to view.

Om Shanti

F(or) Y(our) I(nculcation)

Sit – N – Spin

Sometimes, often even, I wonder about the direction my life actually has. I’m doing things, and I’m happy, but often enough I glimpse how very little control I actually have over anything. I think most people are on one side of me or the other: they either feel like they’re the one pulling all strings, or they feel entirely powerless.

I feel within myself the ability to grab all the strings I want, but then about the time I do, I decide not to yank as hard as I had previous thought I might. One way this manifests is in my book-buying habits.

I love buying books. A lot. And I do it as frequently as I am able. Even when I shouldn’t, or don’t actually have the money, I’ll still go book hunting. Recently, on Valentine’s Day, I decided that I needed more books. I’ve been working my way, with much focus, through a few others I’ve been meaning to finish and had been feeling a sense of accomplishment… so, naturally, I need to add to the pile again.

I bought a number of books – all of which I’m pleased to own now. One was a steal AND a gem. I mentioned it on Facebook. Another is titled, “Shuddha Bhakti” by Swami B.V. Tirtha Maharaja. The others include a study guide for Sanskrit ( my religion’s sacred language), a version of the Shri Ishopanishad by Swami Prabhupada that matches the other books by him that I already own (I’ve had other copies of Shri Ishopanishad, but I was particularly pleased to find a hard copy that is the same size, etc… of my other ISKCON books), and lastly I bought a large black tome titled, “Jesus Christ Message to All Nations.” It’s fabulous. It’s some kind of gospel written by Warren Jeffs and pretty much bitches out every nation currently on our globe. It’s apparently a message that Jeffs channeled for the Lord God, who seems really upset and angry. Threats abound in this book. Unfortunately complete sentences, proper punctuation, and coherent thoughts do not. Amused, I read some to my beloved where God is supposedly warning the USA about her relationship with China and the Koreas. Fabulous stuff, although he wasn’t nearly as amused. I only bought the book to place it on my bookcase next to the Book of Mormon I have – which itself is only even in my home because after my father’s sister-in-law passed more than a third of my family joined the Mormon church. I don’t think the Mormon Church is any more a cult that the rest of Christianity, but this Warren Jeffs stuff seems to be more along the cultish lines, and a find like this book was too precious to pass up.

These book purchases are indicative, though. Imagine being a grocery store cashier and someone comes through your checkout lane with whipped cream, dental floss, a package of ink pens, and four tealight candles. Truthfully, I think most cashiers don’t give customers’ purchases a second though. But if you were a cashier, and you DID pay attention to what people were buying, and those items were what a single customer bought… WTF? Such randomness, no? I mean what’re the chances someone’s going to consider a trip to the grocery, start a list of items needed, and think, “Let’s see… Just ran out of whipped cream. Better get more dental floss. I’m getting low on ink pens, oh, and yes, I need FOUR tealight candles.”? Totally random, and you can’t even argue it.

But that’s me at any book store.

And I think it’s why I often feel like I have the ability to pull a million strings and get somewhere and go someplace and do something, but it’s also why I sometimes feel like I’m not actually pulling any of those strings. For instance, if I bought ONLY books on Mormonism… by now I’d be a damned expert. And the same can be said about a number of things I choose to study. What usually results, though, is that I end up knowing “a whole lot” about many many things, but end up knowing everything about nothing.

As frustrating as this is sometimes, I often feel like I’m still a little ahead of the game – but never as ahead as I’d like. All of this, serves as a constant reminder to me of the potential my life (and anyone else’s) has. We all have a billion strings we could be pulling. And also a reminder of my laziness. The Gita says that no effort is ever wasted when one exerts it toward betterment and realization. But one has to actually make the effort.

Om Shanti

Gurupada Puja

Today is the full moon for July, and marks Gurupurnima. This holiday is a “limbo of great importance” to me. The source of importance is obvious to anyone familiar with the day. Purnima correlates to the full moon. In Hinduism, many holidays fall either on the full moon, or within a certain number of days before or after it. The “limbo” part of this, for me, is due to not having a dedicated guru -something else of high importance within the Dharma. With that in mind, in this post I’ll try to detail a few of the most influential gurus in my life.

The first guru worshipped in Hinduism is Sage Vyas. It’s said that Hinduism is the only major world religion without an actual founder. Sage Vyas, however, comes close. He’s known to have lived in ancient times and according to his personal sadhana, had attained a number of siddhis. Aside from being a masterful rishi, he is most noted for compiling/editing the Vedas, which are the foundational body of scripture for Sanatana Dharma. I think he’s also known to have composed a number of other Scriptures holy to Hindus. I adore Sage Vyas for obvious reasons and some reasons which are less obvious. His influence, the karma-phala of his efforts, reaches from modern Hindu religion so far back into history few can conceive. Additionally, a well-known story about the recording of scripture involves Sage Vyas dictating to my very own ishtadevata, Ganesha. Sri gurubhyo namaha!

The stage being set by Vyas thousands of years ago, my parents were 900% my first living guru. Truth be told, my birth mother hasn’t proven herself to be worth the flawed genetic material she managed to pass on, let alone anything of greater value. My father, on the other hand has truly beautiful karma. Part of that karma was that he’d eventually meet and marry my step-mother. The two, together, make an amazing, albeit typical pair and without their guidance my life wouldn’t have amounted to half of what it has. And while I’m still able to discern parts within my own makeup that are surely inherited from my birth mother, I’m honored to report that by far I’m the sum of the two that actually cared enough to raise me. I have the level head and generosity of my father, and like my step-mom, eternally insist on perfection in all the right areas of life, have some pretty decent reasoning skills, and also would likely have made a fair living as a lawyer (AKA I can argue just about anything, always have the higher good as my goal, and no matter what you say, you can be sure I’ll find a flaw in your logic and will end up winning the debate.) If gurus come into our lives (or vice versa in this case!) to help guide and shape us for our betterment, my parents could sit on their rumps for their next ten lifetimes and still succeed in this regard. Because of this, when I’m at temple and we sing the shloka, “Twameva mata cha pita twameva…“, which translates as “You (God) are mother and father…“, I’m filled with adoration and love for these two primary human figures in my life. Below is a picture of my parents and a younger brother (at his wedding, we’re not actually Christians for the most part).

Another guru influence in my life is that of Paramahansa Yogananda. If Vyas-ji was technically a first among gurus, and my parents were the second, then Yogananda-ji was certainly the third. I came to know of him actually in the most unexpected of ways, which I’m hesitant to share. But here goes:

In my early twenties a relationship I had been in came to an end. It had lasted about seven years and when it dissolved, you can imagine, I was still very inexperienced at life. On my own for the first time ever, I was mostly doing just fine. During this time, though, I had been approached by a man from my city’s south side who was seeking models. You see, he sold clothing items online… he ran some kind of website that was fetish-gear-oriented. I’ll spare you the details of exactly what garments I modeled, but the idea is that he was no longer young or lean or unwrinkled and needed a tighter, younger body to show off these things, which folks would then buy from him. Before anyone takes this info and runs with it, believe me when I tell you that the shadiest part of all this was that all photography was shot in his home, as opposed to an actual studio. But none of that is important except to lead me to tell you that this man happens to be a devotee of Yogananda. I had an Om or something on my necklace which caught his attention and started our conversation on all things Hindu. Both of us being caucasian, we commiserated at being the only non-indian Hindus we knew of in the entire state. From then on the modelling was entirely secondary (indeed stopped) and our dealings were mostly in the context of spirituality. He took me to the temple for the first time and gave me my first copy of Yogananda’s autobiography, which as so many others will verify, is life-changing. He also gave me my first copy of the Bhagavad Gita, a translation by P.Lal. Of all the different Gitas available, this simple version remains my favorite.

Since learning of Yogananda, I’ve been drawn to his teachings and have a large number of his books, as well as a book or two written by Yogananda’s own guru, Sri Yukteshwar. I love that Yogananda was so connected with western Christianity. He does well at showing dharma in the Bible. I’ve fallen just shy of joining his “sampradaya,” The Self Realization Fellowship for a couple of reasons, namely that it’s suffered a great bit of internal conflict which has veritably split the group, and it seems to be in decline. All that aside, this is to say nothing about Yogananda or his teachings which are truly liberating. And for that, he’ll always remain a dear teacher to me. Kriya Yoga might not be my best fit, but I’m not nearly done with him, and it’s my hope he isn’t nearly done with me.

Next of gurus influential in my life is Mata Amrtanandamayi Ma. She’s an avatar of Sri Durga. Known around our planet as “The Hugging Saint, and to myself and fellow devotees as Amma (Mother). Her life has been incredible and it’s apparent that She is mahashakti personified. Born into a working class family and pretty much forced into familial slavery, Her upbringing was rough to say the least. Virtually from Her birth she was a kind of lunatic for the Lord, constantly seeking union with Sri Krsna, and even today demonstrates what is known as devibhava for the benefit of others. Today She’s the founder of humanitarian organizations and Her own sampradaya which is truly unique, as well as Amrita Yoga. She’s written many great books and She’s also the creator of the Brahmasthanam. She spends hours and hours (easily 12-16hrs in a single day) seated and receiving Her “children” as She hugs them. The Mother never tires of this. She never stops for breaks for sustenance and offers Her love, freely, until all present have received. These hugs are known to be transformational. She also offers diksha/initiation as well as a unique meditative practice. She’s helping to clean up the current state of bhakti yoga, which She says should instead be called kamya yoga, because too often what we think is bhakti is actually desire-fuel devotion. As often as I’m able, I attend local satsangs and worship Amma for multiple hours on end. I also have a very personal story about a healing I received from Amma soon after coming to find Her. Amme Sharanam!

Someone else, who is also a modern-day guide, deserves recognition. I’m not sure this soul is someone many consider a guru of the level of Amma or Yogananda, but she is no less a spark of Brahman than they, and like them does her best -every chance she has- to uplift and educated and help. She can be found on Facebook and on Youtube. She and I belong to the same (gay) community and our hearts are more similar than not, although I’m no nun. It’s actually because of this siddha-yoga jiva that I own my first copy of the Guru Gita. Her name is Sister Unity Divine, and I find in her inspiration, strength, wisdom, and encouragement. My heart is truly glad to know of her and also to be benefitting from her life’s expression.

As I’m nearing the end of this (very, very, very  long) post I want to lastly give consideration to the inner Guru within each of us. It’s this Guru that all the others are merely an outward, seemingly separate expression of. You, at your deepest, most inner level, are non-different than the Source all other gurus lead you to. Any soul you may choose to follow, who indicates anything diffrently is… False. Believe it. Your truest Self is all that has ever been, all that will ever be, and all you’ll ever need. All else is only meant to help you experientially realize this.

Om Shanti!