Sainthood Or Stings

 

 

“The saint helped the scorpion over and over again and the scorpion each time returned a sting. Some said, ‘Do you not know it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?’ and the saint replied, ‘It is my nature to save.'”

The above is attributed to Kabir – someone who was a 15th century Indian mystic who influenced two of the world’s major religions – Hinduism and Sikhism. In fact, verses from Kabir are not only inspirational they are also to be found in the holy text of the Sikhs, namely the Adi Granth.

This quote is one I found not long ago but it has really been on my mind. There are two reasons for why it has stayed with me. One is that the saint is aware of the scorpion’s nature – something that’s actually very telling. The other thing causing this quote to stick with me is that the saint pretty much self-identified as a saint to another human. Let’s look at the first part.

The saint was well aware of the scorpion’s tendency to sting, even when being helped. The shortest assessment, probably, of the saint’s behavior in this context is that he simply didn’t care. At a bare minimum, he simply didn’t care that the scorpion had stung him and would continue to sting him. But why didn’t that matter? We have a modern saying that goes something like, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fooll me twice, shame on me.” We don’t like feeling like fools and most people would agree that, excluding all masochistic tendencies, to continue to do something that seems to be a source of pain (like suffering a scorpion’s sting) is foolish. However, that doesn’t really seem to be on the saint’s radar. There are two things I can say ARE on the saint’s radar: Awareness of the scorpion’s nature, and awareness of his own.

The saint seems to be saying that it simply doesn’t matter if it’s painful to help. He knows (by recognizing the scorpion’s nature) that pain is likely. Since he’s helped more than once already, he probably recognizes that the scorpion will continue to need help. And he recognizes (by being aware of his own nature) that he will likely be stung again… and again. Seems like a bad combo, right?

Why would anyone continue to place themselves in the position to be stung when all they are doing for the one stinging is helping? It doesn’t make sense… Unless you’re a so-called saint.

The saint in our little story accepts the nature of the scorpion. He not only sees that the scorpion will sting him, but also knows that the scorpion, in all it’s scorpion-ness, will continue to need help. When most people come across the various kinds of scorpion-humans in the world, they do what they can to stay away. The opposite of help. Most think to themselves, “Why would any fool help someone else who is just going to sting them as repayment?” But the saint isn’t concerned with those kinds of thoughts or that mudane level of operating in the world… Because the saint knows his own nature.

The saint knows he’s here to help. Period. The saint knows lots of other things too: That his needs will always be met, that things aren’t often the way they seem, that the Big Picture is REALLY fucking big, that there are reasons behind happenings which aren’t always apparent and often are never known on the surface level. But the most important and useful thing understood by the saint is that he’s here to do what he’s supposed to do when he’s supposed to do it, and never really to care about whether his payment is sainthood or stings. This is why he responds to his questioner with the simple statement, “It is my nature to save.”

Whoa.

The second part of the story that has stayed with me is that the saint self-identified himself as someone who saves. Today, a statement like that would probably strike most people as pretty arrogant. The first thing that pops into my head when I chew on this is that the humility of someone who says, “I’m a humble person” is often questioned before they can put a period on the end of that statement. So wouldn’t the sainthood of someone who tells others, “I’m a saint” likewise come into question? Maybe, but maybe not.

I suppose on some level this is no different than some teachers and guides and gurus saying they are beggars or a “servant of the servant,” something I’ve heard a lot. I know even within Heartfulness / Sahaj Marg our Masters or guides have made very clear that they are nobody to exalt, that they are here to serve.

Somebody can say they are a beggar or – as we often see in Hinduism – that the guru’s padukas are all we’re worthy to touch. It’s all the same and it’s all a form of the person speaking about their own humility – and yet we’re okay with that, in that form. So this leaves me wondering a bit about other different-but-similar self-proclamations. When the person asked the saint if he wasn’t aware of the scorpion’s tendency toward stinging and was met with a response akin to “I save people,” how did that person respond? Are we supposed to question a saint’s assertion or just stay out of the way and let him or her keep sainting?

Either way, I’m not convinced it matters much. What seems to be the real lesson of the short story this post started with is that some of us are here and have evolved in such a way so as to help – in whatever way we’re supposed to, at whichever time we’re supposed to – even if we know the scorpion is a selfish kind of idiot and seemingly undeserving.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

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Interiorization

Q: Daaji, you had asked us to do some thinking on interiorization and internalization. I believe interiorization is in the experiential and internalization is intellectual. Am I on the right track?

Daaji: In internalization something is given to you from outside and then you brood over it. Internalization is consuming for a purpose, to dissect something, intellectualize it, and internalize the knowledge. Internalization can be of so many things. It is a bigger spectrum. Interiorization is similar, but is of spiritual conditions. It is very specific to spiritual states. Look at it this way: you internalize knowledge or a principle. That way, when you look at our interiorization of the great Master, it is no longer a particular subject matter or matter of an entity. It is a matter of a principle. When you think of the inner Master, it is no longer a person who is the guiding force.

Q: One goes beyond the physical level.

Daaji: Yes. You are not relating to any person then. When your heart suggests something, does it say, “Oh, this is an inspiration from Mr X”? No it doesn’t. It simply draws from the Source, the inner guide. That is why we should simply follow the inner Master.

Q: But if we consult the external Master and obey implicitly, then there is no conflict, correct?

Daaji: But how long will you keep consulting? You see, revered Lalaji had to go, beloved Babuji, dearest Chariji, they all had to go. The whole sequence will go on. Each time there is a change, people are shaken up. They have to reorient, retest the new guy, and see if it is a fit for them! And then comparisons start.

Q: How were you able to achieve all this?

Daaji: I don’t think I have achieved anything.

Q: We have seen you Daaji, right in front of us!

Daaji: There is nothing to achieve! You already have it. Just enjoy life. Be yourself. Don’t push it. The more you try to run after it, the more it will run away from you. Don’t go for it. Be at peace, and if God wants you He will come to you!  [Laughter erupts all over the room] Our job is to stay pure and simple. We don’t have bad intentions, we don’t want to hurt anybody, we are sincere, and we are loving. What more can God want from us? We don’t have to become negative. Stay positive and be grateful.

There was a beautiful silence in the room and everyone was moved by the simplicity with which Daaji laid out what we ought to become. After a brief pause the conversation continued.

Daaji: Skydivers can learn meditation easily. Let go and you are there! [Daaji laughs and everyone joins the laughter] Our situation is like a kite. It is hanging on one thread. Just cut it! But for that you need to be courageous. Don’t ask for it though. If it comes, accept it. If it doesn’t, don’t force it.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

Reality is Enough

“Life is not a bed of roses.” That’s what Babuji said in a Whisper from the Brighter World on April 19th of this year, which I’ve attached to the bottom of this post. He went on to talk about how life’s challenges are essential to the process of evolution and it all ties back into so much that I’ve read throughout the Sahaj literature – It’s because life is not a bed of roses that we’re not impressed by the idea of a life of sannyas or retreating to the Himalayas permanently to seek enlightenment. From the very beginning of life – period – the only evolution that’s ever happened has occurred because of a challenge or stimulus faced. “Trials are necessary and formative; without them there would be nothing to drive things forward,” he says. I have always said that, as human beings, we’re endowed with a unique and highly-evolved ability to learn without the need for misery. But that doesn’t in any way conflict with the idea that life would come inherent with trials. Trials are necessary. Misery? Pain? Suffering? Those are fully optional.

The month of June, for me, was kinda full where trials are concerned. Most of May, for that matter, too. I was approached by a zonal coordinator wondering if I’d ever considered serving as a preceptor and I was thrilled at the idea. For anyone unfamiliar, this role comes with no glory. As I understand, it’s mostly an opportunity to plug in deeper and serve on a greater, more thankless scale than other abhyasis. Still, that’s exactly what sounded good to me. I’m always happy to assist my local Heartfulness community – be it financially, with my time, with my meditations, or with any skills I possess which will help further our cause. And to be clear – I do or have done all of those things and there’s never been time when I’ve been told “no” to serving because I’m not a prefect. But still, the idea of serving as a prefect made me happy and so I agreed to become a candidate.

I’m a little sad to report, however, (and I do mean only a little) that my candidacy was not successful. After doing what most people would considering jumping through hoops as part of an embarrassingly, insanely disorganized process, and receiving what many would interpret to be positive signs along the way, it was ultimately decided that I would not be chosen. My region / zone did have others who were put forth as candidates and some have been successful. And it’s not uncommon at all for a candidate to be refused on the first try, or the second try, or the third, etc… I know of abhyasis who were so taken with the idea of being a prefect / preceptor that they would approach the current Master in tears because of it and be refused multiple times. The only part of my unsuccessful candidacy that truly ever bothered me (and this is less the case than when things were fresh) is that there was very little in the way of productive feedback given. We all had to study like CRAZY. We had to have read many of the Sahaj Marg works. We had to pass a test which took me, personally, something like six full hours to complete. We had to do a number of other things just to be considered – and that’s truly just fine. Most of those ridiculous hoops jumped through were, at a minimum, for the sake of showing who we were, exhibiting our commitment, and demonstrating that we’d invested in our own understanding of the Marg. These are all good hoops to make people jump through.

But then the answer came and was hardly more than a “No.” (To be clear, it WAS more than a flat ‘No,’ but hardly.) I can say with all honesty and no bitterness that this was the toughest part to accept. Nothing was communicated in regard to whether I passed the written test or whether I hadn’t had enough sittings or really in regard to any of the other hoops which were jumped through just to be considered. All of this process wrapped up just before I made the trip to New Jersey to see Daaji – except I never saw him. I mean, I did see him – once a day or so, from about 30 feet away. Common sense, and some private conversations, told me that there were others in Newark that weekend which were also rejected in this way. To my knowledge there was never a concern for helping these failed aspirants understand the nature of our rejection or how to reapply more effectively. No compass was given so that I could better myself as a candidate – which, obviously, is all for the sake of serving Heartfulness on a deeper level.

That’s something I still think about from time to time, but anyone who knows me at all also knows my life is anything but stagnate. It was around this same time that I was very afraid of leaving Indiana, even for a weekend, because a dear friend of mine was expected to pass away at any time. She didn’t pass until a few weeks after the New Jersey weekend but when she left, I think she took something with me. I’m still trying to sort that out fully, and with any luck I’ll write about it here – but don’t bank on that. The weekend after the failed prefector candidacy was finalized, I had to hop right back into grhasta life and keep moving. Always moving. Always.

Sometimes reality is challenging. But it is what it is.  Being turned away as a prefect, everything leading up to that, and then Leah’s death which followed after was enough for a significant shift in my perspective. Fires of change felt SO hot during that period and I’m certain some dross I’d been carrying was burnt away. I do recognize a difference – a very clear before and after, although tough to put words to it. The whisper shared here was something shared with me by a local prefect – the one who’d put me up as a candidate. I was actually reading it from having received it on my own when she sent it to me along with the words, “Reality is enough, and as such, all is well.” Babuji was our guide, two guides ago. At different times in my Sahaj journey I’ve felt my connection to him more strongly than at other times, usually feeling more attuned to Lalaji, but I can tell you Babuji hit the nail on the head in the whisper given.

“Reality is enough, and as such, all is well.”

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

 

Whisper

Samskaras, SRCM

 

 

 

 

Just a quick post to share here what I came across somewhere else. There’s a Blogspot blog related to SRCM / Sahaj Marg / Heartfulness which can be found by clicking here. The post you’ll see when clicking there isn’t a very long post but is a bit deep. Presented in a very basic manner, there’s a small discussion on samskaras and how they are viewed and approached by Sahaj Marg / Heartfulness / SRCM.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

Complete Works, Vol I

From the Conclusion of Efficacy of Raja Yoga as found in Complete Works of Shri Ram Chandra, Volume I. Here are some notes I took from the reading. I’m sharing them here as reminders to myself of what I do well and what I might ought to improve on.

1. Spiritual essence of food – Recognize it. Value it. Honor it. Don’t be fanatical about it.
2. Try not to unnecessarily injure or prick the heart or feelings of others.
3. Look to bright side of the picture. Always.
4. One cannot become a yogi without actual practice with love and devotion.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

Ghar Jaake Dekhna

I was reading around online when I came across something I found to be interesting. The idea of an “incomplete sitting” was discussed here, in a quote by the current Global Guide of Heartfulness and Sahaj Marg, known now as Daaji. Anyone who has experienced the Sahaj Marg method of Raja Yoga knows what a sitting is. It’s possible that someone learning the Heartfulness path could meditate without transmission – but even among that group of newcomers, transmission or a “sitting” is commonplace. It’s a palpable difference – meditating with transmission versus without.

Very recently, the sittings I’ve had have been altogether unique. A real shift in things experienced. I might write more about that later, but for now lets stay focused on this idea of an incomplete sitting. When I first started reading I thought the mention of an incomplete sitting sounds like something to certainly avoid. Since starting on this path of raja yoga there have been two times when I needed to excuse myself before the sitting or group meditation was technically finished. But that’s not what the link above will let you read about.

In an informal discussion, Daaji shares that there are times when, while giving a sitting, he just kinda pauses it all. The sitting is started, and underway, and then is kind of boxed up in spiritual Tupperware and sent home with the abhyasis – usually without the abhyasi even knowing. Then later, if the abhyasi sits at home, the rest of the “meal” can be enjoyed. Two gurus earlier in our lineage (I mean, two before Daaji), Babuji was known to have said, “Ghar jaake dekhna” which translates to something like, “observe at home.” It’s important to note our condition immediately following the sitting, but it can apparently also be quite beneficial to collect ourselves again once we’ve returned home and finish tasting the sustenance just received.

I have never heard of any prefect or preceptor doing this – only Daaji (and Babuji?) so I doubt it’s commonplace at all and, in fact, is maybe even something Daaji would advise against generally. We’re encouraged to be fully dedicated to our practice and this kind of playfulness should likely be reserved for someone with more mastery than the average abhyasi or prefect. Still, I kind of like the idea… spiritual left overs to be enjoyed after we get home from the sitting. They say chili soup is better as leftovers. What a treat to be able to carry home some “uneaten” prana and bask in those leftovers there.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

HuffPost, Y’all

Daaji, the “global guide” for Heartfulness and Sahaj Marg, now has a regular blog postings at the HuffPost Healthy Living site. You can find it by clicking here. The first post you’ll see here is that Daaji discusses “How to Put Your Heart Into Living” and breaks that approach up into ideas dealing with “How do we compromise our intrinsic good?” “How does the heart speak?” “Easing the burden: the play of heart and mind” and “How to integrate the heart and mind?”

Before diving into these areas of discussion, Daaji gives a few examples of when ignoring the heart and its connection to the brain lead us awry. “There are many issues at play. The most powerful arise when we ignore the intrinsic goodness and the intrinsic peace that exist in all of us,” he says, to gently remind us of what Eastern Dharmas have told us for many thousands of years and which is a trademark difference between spiritual paths originating in the East versus those from the Middle East or West.

When discussing the usual compromise of intrinsic goodness experienced by each of us, Daaji rightly points out that the whole mess begins with us labeling things and experiences and then being caught between these labels of our own making. Here in the USA, that is very apparent – and something about which we’re in deep denial. Regardless of the context – whether political, religious, sexual, economic, you name it – we do nothing but label and categorize things and experiences and then find ourselves caught because we’re so buried in self-created madness that we lose the right ability of discernment.

The first thing shared with us about how the heart speaks is that which is really common sense, but which most people gloss over: When we do what we ought to the heart is at peace and is silent, but when the opposite is true the heart protests! All of this hinges on simplicity and being in tune with Nature – relating back directly to the Ten Maxims.

The heart and mind, Daaji says, are always interconnected and when mindfulness and heartfulness are in perfect synchronicity they function as one and purpose in life is experienced and realized.

In closing we focus on integration – what Sahaj Marg and Heartfulness are really all about. Daaji mentions the need for observing “inner weather” – not too far off from the many times I’ve mentioned here about tending to one’s inner landscape or inner garden. We learn to still the mind, connect with and through the heart and find ourselves evolving and as Daaji pointed out, “… we steer through life wisely, steadfastly, sans regrets.”

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shri Gurubhyo Namaha |Aum Shanti

Blogroll Update

 

Not nearly often enough I get to visit other blogs. Between school, spirituality, and leisure all I do is read – seriously. I tell people that i get about 30 minutes of television per week and it’s really not far from what the actual truth probably is. I have so much reading on my plate, but I’d have it no other way – except that others’ blogspaces are usually last on the list of thing to poke at for reading material. Usually, though, my reading means additions to my home library and more wisdom stuffed into my brain space.

Here on Sthapati Samanvayam I maintain a side page of blogs I have found and which I think you should find, too. In order for you to find it you can go to Sthapati’s home page and locate the link for “Blogroll, if you please” which is right next to the page, “Samyag Akhyate (About Me)” – both of which are at the top right-ish area of the screen. Or you can just click here.

Either way, it’s been updated. There were a number of blogs included there which are now not – primarily because when I clicked the link the most recent post was from 2014 or else the site had been taken down altogether. Initially, this list of blogs was a fair mix – a true representation of the Smartism I love. There’s still a variety of blogs to be found there including places as diverse as general Hindu blogs, gay Hindu blogs, non-Indian Hindu blogs, and even paraplegic Hindu blogs – but now there’s a more bigger representation of blogs that center around Sahaj Marg or Heartfulness.

As I’ve written this post and near the publishing time for it, it comes to my mind that I might eventually – or soon – create a another side page to visit here which will specifically sort apart the blogs relating to Sahaj Marg and Heartfulness.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

Daaji

Kamlesh D. Patel ( Daaji )

 

Each lineage of wisdom has a succession of those individuals who are tasked with passing the wisdom. These same people are also responsible for the evolution of the path. Sometimes this means taking things in a new direction and sometimes this means buckling down and securing the wisdom against changes. When I was a teen I went to a church that, in one particular hallway has portraits hanging of each of the church’s pastors, in order of succession, going back to the founding and building. In Hinduism and other eastern traditions, this traceable line of gurus might lead backwards in time to a major historical figure or perhaps even a mythological figure. To go back to the example of the church from my youth, it would be like the hall of pastors having portraits of each pastor, in successive order, going back to (and including) figures like Martin Luther and Jesus of Nazareth.

In the lineage of my path, we focus on the modern-most four gurus. We do trace back to sage Patanjali (from around 400 C.E.), but our most recent four gurus only date as far back as the century before last. Starting with the earliest of these four one encounters Shri Ram Chandra of Shahjahanpur. He was known as Lalaji. I’m not sure I know why he was called Lalaji. After him came Shri Ram Chandra of Fateghar, who was known as Babuji. I think, and I might be wrong, he was called Babuji because of the name of his professional employment (Babu means something like “Clerk” in his mother language). After Babuji, there came Shri Parthasarathi Rajagopalachari. We called him Chariji, and I think it seems obvious that this affectionate name came from the tail end of his last name. Chariji dropped his body in December of 2014 and his successor, which was announced a good while before Chariji’s passing, is Kamlesh D. Patel.

Kamlesh, almost from the very beginning of his time as our spiritual leader, discouraged us from calling him “Master” as the ones before him were often called. (To be very clear: This usage of the word master is in reference not to dominion over devotees, but rather to dominion over his own self.) Practically immediately, Kamlesh simultaneously discouraged us from calling him Master while still giving space for abhyasis whose minds needed that, to do that. For a period of time, up until quite recently, there seemed to be a middle ground reached in regard to how he was called by us. Normally, one would hear Kamleshji or Kamlesh-bhai … either understood as expressions of affection as well as respect, and still recognizing that he came from where we currently stand. The feeling of these is one of kinship or relation and although the one does end in the same -ji as the earlier gurus (Lalaji, Babuji, Chariji), Kamleshji or Kamlesh-bhai both feel more cumbersome than the names we used with the earlier gurus.

Very recently, however, it would appear as though a new choice is on the table for Kamlesh-bhai. That new appellation is Daaji. To be quite honest, I’m not sure when this came about – though I did learn tonight at meditation that it’s a name he’s used for quite a while already and which children apparently started. I receive lots of emails from a number of Sahaj Marg / Heartfulness sources and I don’t recall reading anything official about a name change – maybe I missed it somewhere in the mix.

Immediately, given what experience I have with Indian languages, I thought it sounded like an affectionate form of calling someone “grandfather.” In researching this a little, I found that in Gujurati, Hindi, and Punjabi the word for grandfather is “daadaa.” (pronounced daah-daah) Kamlesh was born in Gujurat, India – so it could make sense that “daaji” is a combination of daadaa and the suffix -ji, which we use to express deep respect. However, tonight at meditation I also learned that daaji is a term of respect and endearment for the younger brother of one’s father. In a way this feels like a nod to Chariji.

I think Daaji is a wonderful next step in how we’re calling our guruji. It flows easily within the mouth. It’s simple, like nature (See our Maxims). And it seems more in line with names used by the earlier gurus. And so we have it – Daaji. You can learn more from him by clicking here.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti

I’m sorry

It’s been said so many times that the best way to learn is to teach. I experienced this first-hand as a teen when I was “preaching” to Sunday school kids and had to prepare lessons for that and also a little while after that when I was in high school and taught German. You have to be prepared for what you want to communicate in the teaching as well as any potential exceptions to the lesson and any questions you might encounter from students.

In my own life, I’ve been a teacher to many – both in the sense that I mentioned before wherein I was physically standing before a type of audience for the purpose of imparting knowledge and also as a kind of “life teacher.” Grown-ups, young people, friends, family, and strangers alike have come to be for advice. This isn’t bragging, it’s just a fact. People have said to me that they perceive me to be someone who “has it together” and it creates a sense of trust. I’m flattered and honored to help anyone in any way I’m able and if all they need is advice then my work has been made easy. But this comes with a responsibility and one that I think I’ve failed at miserably.

I’ll back up a bit and share some of a story that was told to me a few weeks ago during a dinner with a prefect. We’d met for dinner for what I thought was strictly business – some questions and loose ends that she and I needed to review and try to nail down. As I should have expected, our conversation steered itself wherever it would and we talked about lots more than anticipated, some of which might be shared here later down the road. At one point she shared with me a couple experiences of hers from time when she was in the presence of our last guru, Parthasarathi Rajagopalachari (Chariji). I’m probably remembering the exact details wrong, but in one of the stories, a meal was being shared with those present including herself, Chariji, and a number of other prefects from different nations. The story meandered a bit but over the course of the dinner, as I understood, the different nations as they were represented at the table were focusing quite intensely on each other’s flaws or weaknesses… or at least this was part of the conversation… and I think it even started with talk about Americans.

Chariji was an active part of the discussion and, as any true teacher would be, played the role of a mirror to those engaged. As those present were being taught a very tough lesson about judging and finger-pointing (and who knows what else) the prefect telling me the story said that her own experience of the moment was of the energy being quite intense and heavy feeling. With that intensity, she began to feel herself wilt – like some kind of flower in the noon hour heat of Indiana’s very humid summer. Being an advanced soul himself, Chariji was able to sense this response in her. As he was sitting right next to her, he turned to her and gently said, “I’m sorry.”

There was another story she told me also involving being in his presence and him, at one point, saying to her, “I’m sorry.” This made me cry right then. I made an attempt to bring our dinner to a quick close, but she (seeing my upset) wouldn’t have it and insisted I sit back down and talk to her. She hadn’t even realized what a deep message she’d given me. This kind of wisdom is truly dark and wondrous and I wasn’t expecting it. Our guru’s awareness was so keen that he was able to sense her subtle response to the exchange taking place. That’s a sensitivity that I think I have yet to hone – which, to me, feel dangerous.

I wept at our dinner because instantly, as if Chariji were there to transmit the lesson himself, I was very aware of lessons I’ve given to others which were probably very tough to swallow. Lots of medicines are tough to choke down and that doesn’t in any way mean they aren’t the right medicine or that they aren’t what’s needed to cure the ailment in question. All of that, more than anything else, really speaks to the point in personal evolution the student is in at the time. But there’s a certain absence of compassion or … something … when a teacher knows the lesson is tough (as I have known some of my lessons are tough) and keeps pushing the student. Thinking about all the times my lessons have been tough for the students to internalize and realize and how I’ve continued to push … just about makes me sick to my stomach. It feels so irresponsible.

Recently, in Minnesota, I was telling a friend and his wife about this. Stupidly, I got kind of choked up while telling it – I really just can’t even believe myself sometimes. They were so understanding. My husband was in the car then, too, and I could see it in his eyes. Probably because he’s been a student a few times, himself. Even he could see the value in a teacher who says, “I’m sorry.” My friend and his wife seemed very understanding. They were quick to try to soothe my feelings. They reminded me that it’s okay. That my manner of giving wisdom is just my own and there’s nothing wrong with it. I think boot camp was mentioned, which makes me smile a little even now – I will definitely put someone through boot camp. They reassured me that even teachers are growing and evolving.

This is challenging for someone like me to accept – not because of the idea that I have more growing and learning to do, but because of the realization that my actions could be perceived as careless. Worse yet is that I’m not certain how to move beyond that. I only know to trust my evolution.

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha | Aum Shanti