20131130. This is the date of the last day I’ll be doing hair, professionally. I’ve been a licensed cosmetologist for most of my adult life. I started hair school only a few weeks before my beloved and I met. I still remember the early days of that education, receiving text messages from him, and smiling. I thought I had been smiling to myself, but it was outwardly obvious enough that it made the gals in my class speculate that I’d met someone new and interrogate me thusly.

Since those days, I have had an interesting career in hair and I find myself smiling more at the mental images of my beloved than at his texts. There were times in my hair career when I made hardly enough income for gas money, let alone student loans, groceries, car payment, phone bill, etc… There were also times when I made enough to do all those necessary things and have had money left over for frivolous things for myself AND spending > $400/month on personal training for my beloved. I encountered people who couldn’t have been pleased had I turned their hairs into spun gold and people who became so loyal to my hairdressing talents that they remained with me virtually my entire career. There have been plenty who made me want to hang my shears up right then and there, and many who have made me feel so honored and valued that the thought of not servicing them – or anyone else – seems painful for me.

But, things change. They must eventually, otherwise they must eventually face death. That will seem peculiar to some, but the truth is: Change is not synonymous with destruction.

I’m far from old, but I’m definitely not as young as I used to be. Heading into my mid-30s, I can already notice an enormous difference between the me I was and the me I am and am becoming. I also recently took a position at work that pays more, but requires more of me. And then there’s school, which not only seems endless but also as I progress in my degree the work is becoming more demanding. The short of it all, is that there simply isn’t enough of me for two jobs, full-time school, and other activities like entertaining the best for game nights and temple stuff.

This has led me to retire from the hair industry entirely. For many years I worked full time hours. Then I entered school, found a different job, and cut my hair hours more than a little. Some time later, I cut my hours even further. Now – well, as of the 30th of this month – I’ll be cutting them entirely. And it’s scary.

It’s scary because I’ll miss it. It’s been a wonderful and creative outlet for me for a number of years and when you work for a technology company and a cancer treatment center you need that kind of outlet. It’s also been a good way for me to hone my people-reading skills. I dare say I’m an expert at it by now – you can’t possibly be someone’s priest, bartender, and psychologist rolled into one body and not walk away without having developed some pretty great and intuitive skills. Having this job has also allowed for spending money and a nearly free gym membership for me and the beloved for the better part of a decade. That will be missed (for now we’re retaining the membership, but it’s no longer free and will cost us more than $100 / month). And those things, all intuitive advancement aside, are mostly superficial. I have known so many interesting and wonderful and horrible people – none of which I’d really ever trade for anything. I’m a different person because of them.

Here’s the real kicker: Holding onto ANY of it, ruins all of it. None of it is mine to keep – whether I step away from the industry or not. None of it. It’s served an immense value in my existence, and hopefully that of many other people. On many levels that value is spent for now. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But whether I love it or not, its not mine to keep. Even my beloved isn’t mine to keep, as painful as that seems to even consider. My household is in for significant change after the end of this month – financially, among other aspects. This is a source of aprehension, but it’s no reason to fear. Nothing about the now is mine to retain, and in fact the beginning of an attempt to retain automatically means suffering and decay. What lessons we can learn from staying present and relinquishing our attachments – which are only ever founded in fear! Be sure of it.

Shiva, Lord of Yogis

Shiva, Lord of Yogis

There are so many things from this career adventure that I have benefitted from. I can only hope that those I’ve serviced for the last 9+ years have received as much from me as I have from them. If I may, I’d give one last thingto my clients: Any grace that is mine to give, I gladly forward on to you. My very best to you!

Aum Shri Mahaganeshaya Namaha
Aum Shanti


Ascites of the Prkrti

I’m seeking advice. Maybe.

I’ve heard before that when lessons aren’t learned as they present, they’re due to repeat until they sink in. Given that I believe in the concepts of karma and reincarnation, I can only assume as much is true. And since what I’m about to write about is something that visits and revisits me, I’ll go ahead and assume there’s a lesson I’m not learning as I should. Dear reader, please advise.

So… Where to begin? Allow me to set the backdrop for what’s in my head.

A characteristic of life is change, right? It’s been said that, in life, change is the only constant. People, being part of the cycles of life, are naturally creatures who’re inseparable from this. Further, being as much a part of these cycles as anyone else, it’s reasonable to assume that change will also occur within my own existence, too. Fine. Additionally, I think it’s safe to assume that in my early days I was rather typical. Don’t get me wrong: I was atypical in most ways. But in plenty ways enough, I was like any other guy of my age group. The point I’d like to make is that who I might once have been isn’t who I am currently, and the same can be said of who I am currently in regard to who I will be.

Here’s the catch: Whether you understand this phenomenon or not, if you’ve known me for as long some people have (I’m talking like 15years and 8years), you should understand that who I might have been isn’t entirely who I am. Better yet, whether you knew who I was, or not, after 8-15 years you should definitely know who I am. Ideally, you should also be changing in your own way, as necessitated by your own karmas and life circumstances-the implication being that you also are developing along the way and learning lessons.


With all of this stuff in mind, especially all the factors mentioned immediately above as “catches,” how is it possible that folks who have known me for 15 years and for 8 years can be so mistaken on their understanding of why I do one thing or another.

 A recent example of this has to do with a dear friend of mine planning a vacation which involved a multi-day visit to out of state friends and a round-trip ticket there and back. When this friend mentioned these plans to me, my initial response was to ask why and whether this is possible or even smart right now. Truthfully, my response was such because not two weeks prior, the same friend was having a real crisis in his living room, which centered around a number of things –most of which could be traced back to money problems.  Apparently, when my response was anything other than jumping up and down squealing in delight, he was disappointed and brought this disappointment to a mutual friend who advised him that I wasn’t enthusiastic because I had no control over any of it. Nice.

Later on, when the first friend mentioned this response to me, I tried reminding him of the reasoning which applied all along: In one breath I was told there’s not even money enough for daily living, and in the next breath I’m told of a round-trip flight to the shore. As a caretaker sort of personality (NOT the same as parental), and having been the one doing the consoling during the recent crisis, of course I’d question this. Further, it makes no sense to suspect me of desiring control over whether someone else’s vacation takes place or not because my life remains entirely unaffected either way. I neither lose nor gain anything, regardless.

And so you have it… One person who, next to my own family, should know me better than anyone else on this planet and another who’s not only a parent but also has had enough life experiences to be able to tell up from down. Still, neither of them seems to understand someone they’ve each known well for 15 years and 8 years, respectively.

Being misunderstood isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it’s been a minor theme in my life and it’s been partial impetus for why I enjoy writing and wordsmith-er-ing and studying languages, cultures, and religions. It’s all about communication and understanding and personal development.

While it isn’t the end of the world, it’s painful. But maybe that’s because I expect more from the ones I love? Is that the lesson I’ve repeatedly failed to learn? Maybe I’ll abandon any value found in challenging others to grow and develop. I’ve actually mentioned this notion before and the answer I met with was something to the effect of, “Don’t withdrawal! Some of us need you to do and say what you do!” I remain unconvinced of this, however, and the whole thing is proving quite painful for me. What lesson am I missing that calls for this repeat?